This debate has haunted me for a long time, and I doubt we will try to bring it into a clear light with this article. Relationships are complicated enough, but humans have the talent to complicate things even more. Human nature, too, has a voice in this “monogamous relationship vs. open relationship” dilemma. Are we naturally monogamous? 

• What Are Monogamous Relationships
• Challenges of a Monogamous Relationship
• What are Open Relationships
• Challenges of an Open Relationship
• Studies and Data
• In My Own Words…
• Final Thoughts

What Are Monogamous Relationships

A monogamous relationship is an exclusive relationship between partners who commit to each other emotionally, sexually, and romantically. There is no space for a third party within this relationship; mutual fidelity is the key to such a connection. Monogamous relationships are the most common in different cultures and countries. Such a relationship thrives (or not) based on the following concepts:

Exclusivity 

Exclusivity is the central concept in a monogamous relationship. The two partners agree to engage in intimate relationships and romantic behavior only with each other. This mutual agreement lasts for the entire duration of the relationship.

Commitment

The highest level of commitment and fidelity is found in a monogamous relationship. Both partners support each other and prioritize each other’s needs. Through this mutual commitment, they pursue shared goals that help them better their lives as a couple. We see This kind of relationship in traditional marriages, and many of us aim to achieve it. 

Emotional Bond

The emotional bond in an exclusive relationship is intense. Both partners share their thoughts, feelings, and desires with each other. They offer emotional support during challenging times and share moments of happiness and sorrow equally. 

Societal Norms and Legal Recognition

Monogamy has been the norm in relationships in many societies and cultures. Monogamous couples are considered “normal” and recognized by many jurisdictions. Therefore, married couples benefit from certain rights while having some obligations within each state’s law. 

Challenges of a Monogamous Relationship 

Monogamous relationships come with challenges; those who have connected like that know what I am talking about. These relationships require a high level of maturity and responsibility. Communication, trust, and compromise are essential components for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling monogamous relationship over time.

Maintaining passion and excitement in the long term takes creativity and effort. Partners might fall into an intimate routine that lacks the excitement they shared in the initial stage of the relationship. But there are tips and tricks to revive passion; we will most likely discuss them in a different article. 

You must also balance your personal goals and development and your relationship’s objectives. Monogamous relationships are not about canceling yourself in the name of the couple. You have to thrive at a personal level so your relationship can thrive as well. 

Handling temptations the right way is also a significant challenge. Some people will find you attractive, and resisting the urge to dive into an affair can take a lot of strength. If you are in a monogamous relationship, maintaining exclusivity is a vow, and it might not be easy to respect it for life. 

What are Open Relationships 

I could easily say that an open relationship is the opposite of a monogamous one, but things are a bit more profound than that. Open relationships are non-monogamous relationships where both partners agree that one or both of them can entertain romantic or sexual affairs with other partners. Here are the main characteristics of such relationships:

Consensus

I can’t stress this enough, but here it goes: open relationships are based on consensual non-monogamy!! Therefore, both partners need to agree to the terms and boundaries (if any, and there better be some) of such a connection. This agreement doesn’t mean both partners will seek and engage in affairs outside their central relationship. It just means that if one or both choose to do so, the other agrees with this behavior. 

Honest and Clear Communication 

Communication and honesty are keys to a non-monogamous relationship. Both partners must be able to talk openly about their needs and desires without fear of hurting each other. This is a form of ethical non-monogamy that can withstand the test of time even if the partners remain sexually open to other experiences. 

Rules and Boundaries 

A polyamorous relationship doesn’t mean that everything goes. There must be clear rules and boundaries that both partners must agree with and respect. Such boundaries should exist in a healthy, committed relationship, too, but they need to be even more highlighted when it comes to open relationships. These rules can include but not be limited to boundaries on emotional involvement, sexual activities, time spent with others, and transparency about other partners. There are different types of non-monogamous relationships (polyamory, swinging, open relationships, relationship anarchy, etc.), each with its limitations.

Challenges of an Open Relationship 

It might seem that an open marriage or romantic relationship is easier to manage than a closed relationship. However, despite its apparent benefits, many things could go wrong in this relationship. 

Jealousy and insecurities could quickly arise in an open relationship. No matter how open you are, you will have an unanswered question haunting your thoughts: “Why am I not enough?” To avoid such issues, the couple needs to emphasize reassurance and develop a strategy that helps both of them navigate such feelings. 

Such a union requires even more in-depth and honest communication. Partners must be honest about their feelings, desires, and experiences. They also need to accept that fulfilling these desires might require getting involved with other people. If the relationship is not built on solid communication, misunderstandings could quickly appear and damage the connection. 

Time management is a crucial factor and often an unpleasant one for couples in an open relationship. All partners involved in this open relationship need to feel valued. Therefore, a clear schedule and a flexible nature are crucial. 

Sexual health has to take the front stage in an open relationship. There is an increased risk of STDs when multiple partners are involved. All partners need to agree to use adequate protection and talk openly about their sexual health. 

Last, I want to highlight the emotional implications of a non-monogamous relationship. If your secondary relationship ends, your central relationship might be affected. Poly relationships make emotional involvement challenging to manage. What if you develop more profound feelings for a different partner than your main one? Many couples consider this to be a deal-breaker. This is why they agree to sexual relationships outside their marriage or romantic relationship but without emotional involvement. 

Studies and Data 

Scientists couldn’t decide which type of relationship naturally fits human nature. Every form of relationship seems to have its pros and cons, adepts and counter-adepts. The umbrella of consensual non-monogamy is so broad that it can be difficult to keep track of all types of romantic or sexual relationships. 

The University of Guelph conducted a study measuring the relationship satisfaction and overall well-being of people involved in a consensual, non-monogamous connection. The study revealed that these people showed similar relationship satisfaction and psychological and emotional well-being to those involved in monogamous relationships. In conclusion, the results showed that relationship satisfaction is rooted in quality rather than structure. 

The University of Michigan studied the levels of trust and jealousy in 2000 people, some involved in monogamous relationships and others involved in non-monogamous relationships. Surprisingly, those involved in non-monogamous relationships showed higher trust and lower levels of jealousy than the monogamous team. 

In My Own Words…

I can’t skip my personal opinion here. As a psychology master’s student, divorced journalist, and single mother, I have to tell you that, in my view, there is no such thing as an “ideal” relationship. I understand societal norms, but I believe society should keep its nose out for what makes you happy. I believe in monogamy (for me) because I identify with the values of this lifestyle. Also, the fact that entertaining multiple relationships would be seemingly impossible for me contributes to my conviction. 

We all deserve a chance to happiness, and that could come in the form of a relationship that contradicts tradition. Every relationship is different and has benefits and shortcomings. What matters is that when you evaluate it, you end up with more pros than cons. 

Also, love is a very complex, profound emotion for me, and I find it challenging to understand the concept of loving more than one person. 

However, I can understand that we are made different, and this diversity is the beauty of life. As long as one’s happiness is not built on someone else’s unhappiness, we all have the freedom to build our lives how we want. 

Final Thoughts

The monogamous relationship vs. open relationship debate will most likely continue. But I notice with a smile in my heart that we have become more tolerant and less judgmental when it comes to how others choose to live their lives. Our relationships should bring us peace, happiness, and harmonious development throughout our lives, regardless of the form they take.